Life in the Bell Jar

I'm back, but i seem to be fighting an eternal battle with 9st! Whatever i have done, i have not managed to crack under 125lbs since that last time! I suppose there is only so far i can blame it on a slow gut, or lack of fluid loss or an inaccurate scale. The truth is my bulimia has stretched beyond any sort of control and i am binging and vomitting all the time now. In fact, whenever i eat i purge. I excuse the fact that i eat because i reason that i purge afterwards, but we all know some portion of it is retained.

To conclude: weight is the same because my control is as firm as a wet fish!

This would all be manageable if i had weeks of solace and space to get this control back. However, my family has taken their plan of attack to new grounds. My mum has had another chat with me and unfortunately none of what i have been doing, including frquency, has passed by her. Both her and my stepdad are going to effectively frogmarch me down to the doctors friday morning. I just keep thinking, 'But i'm not thin enough yet!'. Even when my mum was having a heart to heart with me, my main argument back was so rubbish. I think i was out of angles, i just kept saying 'But i'm NOT UNDERWEIGHT!'.

We will see what happens, but they can't section me until i'm underweight so i'm safe from anything like that. I don't even know what i'm going to say to the doctor, given that i don't want to be there in the first place...

I am going to persist in getting under 9st. If i can just get to 8st then maybe i will consider maintaining. I can't even do exercise much now because mum has told people and they have stopped exercising with me.

NEWS!! - Just to let you know that the mymirrorimage site will only be active until the 3rd September then it will stop. It just hasn't attracted much attention and i want to dedicate my attentions to this blog. I am even thinking of re-vamping it! What do you think?

It's been a while since the last blog, so how are you all doing? Still struggling? Anyone done particularly well or badly on weight loss? Can anyone relate with family/doctor issues? Tips?


(The title reference to 'The Bell Jar' by Sylvia Plath, who killed herself aged 30, after years of depression. Fantastic book on depression with indications of Bulimia in her main character. Excellent book!)

Give me strength,

Poppy xox