Yes - we are indeed pictureless and extrememly brief today!
I am hunched under the table with my laptop in a darkened dining room because i wanted to quickly explain my absence from the blog.
In short, my computer contracted a virus and it is in the process of rebuilding itself and downloading the right patches to protect itself. I haven't been able to get on it since the last time i wrote to you all.
I am now officially under 9st as of this morning! whoop! however, i think i may have undone that by eating more than i should of today. This is largely due to my conflicting emotions about whether i should embrace recovery or not. It has been a case of 'yes, i can eat this...i eat it.... AH! NO! food is dangerous...i purge....but i shouldn't feel bad....i eat....ahhhh! (you get the picture).
I have been offered the job i had the interview for yesterday. It involves working closely with those who are mentally ill in a ward environment. It is exactly what i want, but obviously this may be a problem if i am 'ill' myself. Ergo, recovery makes sense. However, everytime i think about putting on weight and letting go it hurts so much and i shrink away from it. I DO NOT want to put on ANY weight. In fact, i still think i could lose some. I am so close to my goal - only 2st to go!
Anyways, i have to go now because i have an early morning tomorrow.
Poppy xox
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
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Congrats on the job offer! Even if you don't take it, it's great when an interview goes well.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you could get into recovery without putting on weight? You seem to be at a healthy weight at the moment. I'd guess you don't really need to lose any more. But it seems like you're not so skinny that they'd tell you to gain weight.
The trick would be to learn to eat in a fashion that was healthy, without b/p'ing, of course. But that's what therapy is for :)
In any case, it sounds like this job would be better than working in a restaurant :)
Yesterday I felt horrible all day and ended up binging. Then today I'm down 6 pounds ... wtf? I just hope that means the exercise I've been doing for the last week is working. We'll see how it goes.