Back for another blog!
I always worry that these blogs get boring for you - 'i'll try to be good, slip up, purge'. Each day ends up like a roller coaster of emotions for me, but it may seem like i'm just whining from the outside, i don't know.
Anyways, let me know if i am. Onto today's happenings, which depsite all the odds don't look like they have turned out as bad as they could have.
Quick facts:
Weight lost - 1lb
Binge/Purged - twice
Exercise - only all the walking i do at work
Let's break this down by time:
6.30am - Wake up. I'm extremely tired because i didn't get home until midnight after work. I weigh myself and find i've lost another lb - excellent! Only a few more to go and i will have gotten rid of the weekend weight i put on when i went away.
7.30-12am - Working in the restaurant. Obstacles i had to avoid included croissants, fudge and buttered toast. I also tried to steer away from any fluids as well, just because if i could manage without them then it would be a bonus when it came to weighing. I found myself so busy and rushed off my feet, that only longing glances at the piles of food would have given away my urge to snarfle them all down and run to the toilet. I just kept, almost, running out of the kitchen whenever i was in there, to avoid any chance of eating. I MADE myself stay out of the kitchen because i knew that even if i had one piece of bread that it would mess up my calories for later - i needed enough calories for the tea later. I also had a backup salad in my bag in case i was working lunch and got hungry about midday. Luckily, i got off early. This had a plus and a minus - the plus was being away from the food and having time off, the minus was the fact that i wouldn't be busy and i would be near more accessable food at home. C'est la vie!
12am-12.30 - I walked to the local supermarket and managed to pick up the low cal meal that i had planned to get for the evening. I had carefully thought about what i was going to get the night before. This would mean i avoided surprises when it came to what i would have, and i could keep tabs on calories, etc. I got a quorn cottage pie (220kcals), a punnet of strawberries and (suprise surprise) a large bag of aero bubbles. Mum comes to get me and i wait in the car as she does her own shopping. She asks me if there is any thing i want. 'Well yes! could you get me a large cheesecake, a pack of doughnuts, bag of cookies, a tub of ice cream, whipped cream and a family size doritos bag please?'. I resist, instead, i just say no.
12.30-4.30 - Back at home. I mark some exams and immediately rip into the large bag of chocolate. My stepdad is painting in the room next door and i try to be quiet while i purge them up. Not the easiest thing, and i swore he heard me more than once, although gave no indication. He went down for his lunch and i purged the rest at ease. I get worried that i haven't purged enough and quickly weigh myself. The scales calm my anxiety temporarily.
4.30-6.30 - My grandma arrives and the dreaded dinner is impending. I stay upstairs incase there's any nibbles to tempt me, then come down when dinner's being served. My plate is the right one, and what's on it meets my approval - only the cottage pie and some veg. After main, everyone has desert and asks me what i'll have. I don't have anything, but mentally keep the cheesecake in mind for later. I decline the chocolate mints that follow as well. My binge demon is knawing at me like some rabid dog - honestly, it's a ba***rd 24/7!
6.30 - My parents say they are going out to the pub, and my grandma says she will go as well then. Fantastic! I have plenty of binge food and now the evening to purge at my leisure too! They go and i immediately reach for the freezer.
6.31-10.00 - Here's what i ended up having and purging: 1ltr of cornish ice cream, a slice of blackberry cheesecake, 10 chocolate mints, 2 bagels with cream cheese and tomato, 2 slices of toast with lots of butter and peanut butter and 1/2 packet of macadamia nuts. After realing that off, i am sincerely surprised that i don't look like some hideous human elephant. It makes me so angry to see it all there and know that i didn't resist and actually ate it! argh!
I put on a DVD, pulled up a bucket and purged. I weighed myself every hour or so to see how weight was doing. I had lost, although, as i have said before, majority was water weight. I was really chuffed as my bowels have actually worked today - can't believe i'm actually happy about doing a poo but it means i might weigh a 1/4 of a lb less right?! :P
10.00-1.30 - I finish the film, purge on the side, book two nights stay in a hotel away for the fam in the summer and do a bit of marking. I spend 30 minutes deciding whether to put more or less on a shopping order and whether or not to move it forward, only to leave it as it is. Now i am going to sleep :)
Fun fun tomorrow - a dicey weigh in, a driving lesson and a trip to the supermarket (again) to replace the food i ate. Soon they're going to know me by name in there!
Night,
Poppy xox
No comments:
Post a Comment