Yep - this is pretty much what today has looked like and that mass in the middle is what i feel like. Admittedly, i have weighed myself virtually every hour after my purge and have not gained. But i am still deathly afraid of getting on those scales tomorrow and finding i have stayed the same or put on anything.
Yesterday was almost a complete success. I will quickly summarise it for you:
Weight lost 1lb, binge/purged once, 40 minutes spinning, ate fruit box, salad box, yellow tomato soup and roll.
There was the hiccup of the fact i b/p ed on 2 mini green and blacks bars and a pack of reeses cups. I also freaked out when i got home and my mum said it was probably too late for me to have my stir fry. I had planned it especially because it was low in calories. I kicked up a bit of a fuss and tried t argue, but had to change my dinner plans to soup which i wasn't as happy with. Stupidly i felt like crying when i was told i had to choose something else.
Anyway, onto today.
Weight - remained same
Binge/Purged - alot of food, took time to purge.
Exercise - 1 hour of running, 5 miles
I got up this morning, convinced that, as i had been so good yesterday, apart from the minor binge/purge yesterday, that i was bound to lose weight. I looked down at the scales - stayed the same. I was gutted and it really set me in the wrong mood for the day. But, alas, that wasn't all. I then went downstairs and my mum, thinking she was doing me a favour, had pre-packed my box of fruit. She had put waaay too much of everything in it and given me a bigger box. I almost had a strop and tried to put some of the fruit back. In the end, i decided that i'd count my usual fruit out then save the rest for the next day.
I was only at work for 3 hours which sped by really quickly. During the last hour, i planned to go to the local supermarket to look for a present for someone. I don't even remember planning on buying binge food, but as i wandered towards the store, things added themselves to my mental shopping list. By the time i got to the shop, i was in a haze of cheesecake, whipped cream, ice cream and carbs. I panicked when i got to the door because i realised i wanted too much 'bad' food to be inconspicuous. It was too late now, i was there - i'd just have to buy more healthy food to cover it up.
The end result was quite a lot of binge food. A smattering of light cream cheese, diet fizz, a civilised packet of nuts, quorn beef slices, soup and pineapple barely concealed my real mission of chocolate chip cookies, chocolate packets, macaroni cheese, multi pack ice creams, and potato salad. I would have got more but i was worried my basket was becoming obvious as it was.
When i got home, i didn't even stop. During the bus journey home, i had even arranged what order to eat the food and when to 'layer' the ice cream in so as to get all the food back. I ate a few bits of chocolate while my bagel toasted, once it toasted i slapped on cream cheese. Eat. Ice cream number one is licked clean off the stick while the macaroni cheese is cooking. Macaroni cheese is ready. Eat. Second and third ice creams eaten. Chocolate, cookies and macadamia nuts are folded into the mix. Then i began the proper purge...
In total from the moment i started eating to the moment i stopped purging, it was 4 hours. This isn't because i am so rubbish that i simply dribble, but because i like to be through. Once done, i cleaned up just in time before mum came home. I let things settle and quickly weigh myself. My weight has gone down but i'm not fooled - it's mostly water weight. The run i'd been planning would act as assurance that most of the calories would stay away from my stomach and thighs.
It was a great run. I now run with my music because i find it acts as great motivation. I mean, the run was difficult but i really pushed myself to do 5 miles and did it! Hopefully it will pay off, i'll just have to see tomorrow. Now i'm finishing here then going to bed as i have work tomorrow and i'm really hoping the fudge looks disgusting or they're running low!
Glad to hear that things are going well for most of you and that you are dealing in your own ways. I'm sorry if i haven't emailed back yet, it's not that i don't care - i REALLY do! I will try to reply this weekend, but trust me - you will get a reply sometime :)
Be Happy,
Poppy xox
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