I could sit and pour my emotions into this painting, or maybe it's siphoning emotions off to me? I can't tell.
This is my favourite painting ever. Every particle of me tingles and weeps when i see this. I think i am right in saying it speaks deeply to many of us with eating disorders. We don't have to see her face to know exactly what she is thinking and feeling. We are her.
This is going to be a quick pit stop blog today because it's already late, i'm tired and i have to get up early tomorrow.
Today has been a good day for me.
In short:
- Ran 5 miles in 1 hour (cross country)
- Binged/Purged 0 times (OMG! Totally unheard of in the last few months!)
- Consumed 204kcals (soup & 3 crackers)
I have been embracing the squeeze of the hunger pains again. It's an easy thing to get un-used to, although it feels like some odd hug whenever i get them. A new sense of anticipation courses through me each time my stomach moans.
Today has been a string of boringness - work from 8am until 3pm, shopping for an hour, home, run at 6pm then tea at 6.30pm.
As i mentioned before, i am off for a few days. Yay! I am looking forward to this, not least because i will be entirely on my own and have my own free will in things. I have already packed caffiene pills and poured a large amount of salt into a sealed bag for flavour. We will just have to see what happens, i'm not holding my breath for my self control!
I am going to part before i say any more and jinx things. I will see you all in a few days time. Please leave me lots of messages and surprise me for when i get back :)
Keep well,
Poppy xox
Ps. For Marie: Good to hear from you again! I know what you mean about a last minute rush - in order to stay on my revised plan of weight loss, i have to lose another 8lbs in 11 days! I'm sure you can do it though, and think of how well you have done so far! What is your eating like at the moment? How many cals are you restricting to, if you are at all? xx
Well, my eating is very up and down. I'll hold off for 20 hours or so, then eat everything, but much less than my old binges (thank God!)I am trying to just not eat anything at all because I actually gained 5 pounds more than what I normally weigh. This is driving me crazy so I just can't eat anything without feeling guilty!
ReplyDeleteI have eaten well this past week. I lost 6 pounds. I've worked out some more internal brain-weirdness that was making me eat junk food, so I'm excited about that.
ReplyDeleteNevermind that. Had a binge today.
ReplyDeletesorry to hear you binged. 6 pounds is AMAZING though! how did you do it? My weight loss is slowing down but i'm a few lbs off being 126lbs. I really want to get under 9st before my 23rd birthday but i don't think it's going to happen :(
ReplyDeleteI'll update my blog soon, but it might not be until after the weekend. Maybe Monday?...
Poppy xox
I'm super excited at the moment! I am finally starting to lose again! yay! lost 3 pounds! still need to lose 7 more though...in a very short time too. ugh. oh well, I'm just glad to see the numbers going down instead of up again!
ReplyDeleteI think the 6 pounds was probably one of those water weight losses, because I'd been eating a lot before that. It could also have been just the fact that I had less food weight in my system than before. I haven't weighed myself in a few days so I don't know where I am now. However, I have recently unraveled a lot of the stuff in my brain that makes me want to eat junk, and that has been very interesting.
ReplyDelete